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This year signifies a full decade since the term “ghosting” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {